Excuse me, West: Please excuse Mr. West
I love Kanye like Kanye loves Kanye. This love grew over the years but as with some romances, it took some time to fully realize what we had together. Before Kanye, I didn't pay as much attention as one should to producers. I didn't know at the time but some of the most iconic beats he made for Jay-Z and Roc-A-Fella and everyone else sparked my passion from afar. Through the Wire, Slow Jamz and Jesus Walks broke him as a rapper on College Dropout, and I started to take notice of the entity that was Kanye. But it wasn't until Graduation, with Good Life and Flashing Lights that my ardor for Yeezy's music fully ignited. The tingling feeling of my hair standing on end when I first heard those songs -- a requiredresponse for me to consider it among my favorites -- still happens today when they appear in my life. It happened ever after as I dove into 808s and Heartbreak, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Watch The Throne, Yeezus and The Life Of Pablo.
I vividly remember back in early October jogging to the outdoor gym at Barceloneta’s beach. Ultralight Beam started playing off my Spotify’s shuffle. The tingles came again, so I switched to listen to the entire TLOP album, and the jog turned to a sprint. Watching the sun pierce the clouds and rise over Barcelona, I had one of the best workouts of my trip, coming close to a spiritual experience in spite of (or perhaps because of?) Ye's raunchier lyrics. The feeling was exhilarating. As I write this, Ultralight Beam streams and I’m back to that moment.
4 October 2016: a fine start to the day in Barcelona
His body of work as it stands is sufficient for me to elevate Kanye into the upper reaches of my musician-rankings stratosphere. I am confident in calling him a genius. I will dive headfirst into battle to defend that assertion, as well as other critiques of him and his oeuvre, because his music means so much to me. And I've had to do so on many occasions.
My friends and I have a long-standing back-and-forth on Facebook about the relative merits of his music, which often devolves into commentary on his personality and admittedly ridiculous antics. I reliably take the unabashed apologist side. Thinking back on this tendency, I find this response uncomfortably similar to the ability of certain (all?) Trump supporters to separate his words from his supposedly best intentions and motives. Ye's music matters most to me, and I take whatever he says with a good humored grain of salt; I reason that it comes out of his tortured artist personna. I mean, anyone who compares himself to Jesus or even Picasso can't be taken too seriously, right? Genius often comes at a cost. (If you’re not with me on this yet, please watch this video. At the very least you’ll have a better appreciation for his talents.)
Everytime I said this, I thought and sometimes even wrote it’s highly probable Kanye suffers from a mental illness that causes him to spout off at the mouth, acting completely inappropriately and against all social etiquette to others. We (my friends, pop culture critics, America) wrote this off as Kanye being a buffoon, a narcissist, but almost always using the word, 'crazy,' to describe him. And when we used that word, it was always a pejorative. He's said and done some admittedly repugnant things but he's not completely right in the head, I thought. For me, this almost excused most or all of it. Kanye even says it himself on Feedback: "Name one genius that ain't crazy."
News broke the other day of a particularly bizarre rant Kanye went on at his recent San Jose show on the TLOP tour before ending the show abruptly -- unsurprising as I had been privy to a similar rant, another notorious habit he was cultivating, when I saw him in 2014 on the Yeezus tour. Shortly after, it was reported he had canceled the remaining dates on the TLOP tour; one friend I defend Kanye from was sure to post this on my wall. I immediately had a hunch and I wasn’t surprised when the first Google result essentially confirmed my suspicion. Unless Kanye decides at some point to disclose his medical history, we will never know for sure what “exhaustion” means but my strong suspicion from personal experience is this is mental health-related, and certainly not a new issue at that.
As one of our most talented musicians / producers / artists attempts to recover from and deal with his now apparent mental illness, I hope this turn of events will have a positive outcome, both for Kanye and his family, but also our society. My wish is this will renew our public discussion and awareness around mental illness. I know firsthand how much we need increased attention, research and more constructive / progressive approaches to the wide spectrum of pathologies falling under the mental illness umbrella. I have personal skin in this game and it has hurt me to see over time how woefully inept we are at treating people who suffer with these problems. Access to proper care is so limited and cost prohibitive for many who suffer. More resources and better therapies need to be available. Something needs to change.
Too often we write off people as “crazy,” tell them to "get a grip" / "get help" / "fix" themselves, and then blame them when they keep going down their same “crazy” path. What I think we need, aside from much greater strides made in the medical and therapeutic fields, is greater empathy for those who are ill. I know personally how much easier it is to empathize with those who have more traditional, "physical" illnesses. We readily understand and visualize when a person has an accident or cancer diagnosis. Mental illness is insidious because it's so much harder to put a finger on, even for the person suffering from it. We often get frustrated with those who have it. Maybe we rationalize it by making fun of them if they're distant from us. Certainly for Kanye, late night talk show hosts were happy to use him as writing fodder and eagerly await his next misstep. And with this recent incident, a rival rapper has already mocked him, echoing a similar response just this fall of one rapper to another's mental woes. If a sick person is a friend or loved one, we might blame them when they don't get better because they didn't "work hard enough."
A good place to start in this is to stop using "crazy" so much in our everyday language when describing someone's abnormal behavior. (What is “normal” anyway? Is normal necessarily good all the time? I know I will often side with the nonconformist.) Perhaps considering its use every time you think to say it will make you stop a second and think what's really going on with that person. Perhaps this is where empathy begins. And as we continue to comment amongst ourselves on social media or gossip in person, let's try to advance the discussion a bit. Consider the impact you're having when you write off someone as crazy, blame them or make a joke at their expense and move on. I'd go so far as to say you are discriminating against someone who is ill. Unless you’d like to emulate our next president (and let’s not start with him; from probable/definite narcissist to possible sociopath, he gives us ample material to analyze just from a psychological standpoint), let’s avoid making fun of someone with an illness or disability. This must necessarily include mental illness with special attention given to it. We have to stop using “crazy” as a pejorative or a punchline.
I'm not sure what follows next but we're a fairly charitable society, so consider giving to mental health organizations and initiatives. This could be a good start. (The link might be dated but it's certainly relevant from the standpoint of using the last major public figure suffering from illness to provoke conversation and promote awareness).
As for me, I sincerely wish Kanye well and hope he’s getting the specific care he needs. From a selfish standpoint, I just want more Kanye music. I can remember the time waiting between MBDTF and Yeezus and how eagerly I anticipated the latter’s release. Many may disagree with me based on his past words and antics but the world needs more Kanye. Great art and accomplishment often comes from people who suffer mental afflictions. I’ll write later about my visit to the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam but, wow, the comparison is apt, in my mind at least. The more Van Gogh suffered, the more beautiful his art became. And yet, his story ended tragically and needlessly. So, unselfishly, if it requires that Kanye never makes another album or designs another shoe, I truly hope he finds some peace. No one deserves to suffer the ravages of mental illness, even Mr. West.