January 24, 2018

Krystaline Koh Phangan

Butterflies blew in the air around me from the moment I set foot on Koh Phangan. Now they flitted about subtly in my stomach as I walked up to Jaran’s Wellness, Yoga, and Eatery. I was here for my first ecstatic dance on the island to finish my fourth day on the island. I experienced ecstatic twice before in Bali, so this wasn’t my first energetic dance journey. Still, I was slightly nervous for a few reasons. It all started in my first days here.

I jumped head first into all the island offered the minute I arrived on KP. Fresh off the overnight train and early morning ferry, I headed straight to the afternoon Innerdance session at Pranayama Garden I had eyed and planned for in Bangkok. I remained there that evening at the suggestion of my new friend, Jacqueline, for a Shiva-Shakti event I knew little else about.

I soon learned it was the final tantra workshop to be led by a revered teacher leaving the island the next day. I had previously set an intention for my time here to be fully open to and present for whatever I experienced here. This workshop provided an immediate opportunity to practice that intention and I took away much from it as a result.

That full first day led into many others like it, hiking and meditating by waterfalls, inhaling seafood curries and too many coconuts to count, and meeting new friends I would soon call family (Phamily) all along the way.

The third day began with a morning hike up turgid, twin waterfalls, followed by a scrumptious omelet and iced coffee at the tranquil farm-to-table joint, Seed to Feed. Luke, Jacqueline and I then returned to Pranayama later in the morning for another tantra workshop, this time with my prior knowledge.

Still green to tantra, I quelled any nervousness around the unknown by returning to my breath and intention of presence. As we proceeded through each exercise, I was rewarded with warm hugs and long-held eye contact from both my friends and complete strangers.

One particularly alluring, young woman caught my eye as I perceived a slowly building, mutual connection. When it came time to pick a partner for the final exercise, our gazes found each other’s across the room and we agreed to pair up.

The exercise was to practice the art of conscious touch. Our teacher instructed on how to proceed, using only the palm — never the back of the hand — to give unconditional love through considered and consistent touch.

I had only said a few words to this woman in a prior exercise when we stopped to pay compliments to each other. Now I was taking my shirt off to lay down half-naked as she knelt next to me.

The session began as she pet me and whispered a mantra in my ear every so often: “While being caressed, sweet prince, enter the caress as everlasting life.” Her touch was loving and filled me simultaneously with exhilaration, tranquility, care and a more than a few butterflies in my stomach.

When my turn came to reciprocate, I was full of love ready to transmit to her. It was one of the first in a line of many transformative experiences to come here. I left glowing.

After class, many of the participants decided to lunch at an Indian buffet down the road. I formally met more of my classmates here, making some connections that would prove quite powerful down the road. But my eyes couldn’t help coming back to my partner, sparking further flutters in my belly.

That feeling returned as I sped recklessly to Zen beach that evening to met her for sunset. And when she decided to sit in yab yum with me on the sand while we waxed poetic and philosophic. And the next day when I arrived at Jaran’s to dance.

I wore new fisherman pants, black with rusty-red waist, purchased for the vipassana retreat I intended to attend a few weeks later. It was a fashion I hadn’t worn before, yet one I knew fit with the spirit of the island and the dance. Somehow I was nervous about wearing them. But it was also about dancing with new people in this still novel place. And also a bit about seeing my new partner in “krime.”

I walked up the stairs to Jaran’s main space, gliding across the expansive concrete floor under a soaring roof, aerial silks dangling from the rafters and tied onto the side pillars. Looking out the side of the open space, the waning sun’s glow across the lush Thai jungle and short mountains not far in the distance set the stage for a magical night. As with any good magic act, I had no idea what I was in for, so I later wrote in my journal.

The DJ was already moving people with his version of a heavy warmup, A Tribe Called Quest stirring the blood through our grooving limbs. Soon, the DJ/maestro called the crowd to form a circle and set the intention of the evening: to dance with love, purpose, and most importantly, without speaking to each other; verbal exaltation and expression were otherwise permitted.

After consecrating the space, we were allowed to move about freely to wherever the spirit took us. Somehow I found myself in the center.

Goosebumps stirred through me as Azawade rolled through the speakers for the DJ’s first selection. A friend from NYC once sent this to me prior to my trip and I got nostalgic thinking about him and home. I immediately felt the energy course through and around me.

Like with my previous Innerdance experiences, I closed my eyes and started playing with the energy, my body gently rocking while my hands formed mudras gliding through the air.

Another intention I brought to the island was to be OK with being myself, without seeking the approval or relying on the comfort of others — particularly of the opposite sex. To be OK with simply Being.

When I opened my eyes and saw others already paired up and dancing together, sometimes intimately, I quickly caught the feelings of jealousy and longing, throwing them away from me and coming back into the comfort of myself.

The songs continued to crescendo and with it the energy built. I felt my heart expanding with growing gratitude, for being here in this gorgeous setting with gorgeous people, and for new lessons to internalize and grow myself. Closing my eyes, then opening them, I met the gazes of others and returned their smiles in kind.

I laughed. I choked back subtle sobs. I was exuberant, releasing what I didn’t need, imbibing what I did. As the songs picked up their pace and intensity, I moved freer, finding my friend, Ellen, and other women (and men), smiling and dancing without thinking.

I saw her, my once tantra partner, dancing with other men. At once I felt jealous. And just as quickly, I saw how ridiculous I was to feel that, knowing I didn’t have possession of her, or anyone really. That I never had nor ever would possess anyone, truly. I was happy for her happiness to be there in the moment.

Likewise, I was grateful again for catching myself and allowing myself to be there in that moment, for myself. And once she came to me, or I to her, we danced with beauty, intent, and joy.

Soon I was moving so quickly and grooving so hard that I had to rest when the DJ slowed down the pace. I thought the night was coming to an end and did some simple yoga stretches before sitting exhausted in the middle of the dance floor. But then the beat built again and I watched from the floor and then from the side as people continued the party.

The DJ spun some soulful disco-house, a top genre of mine, eventually forcing me out of my stupor and back into the writhing mass. I uncovered a new reserve of energy and found myself at the front by the DJ and the speakers, bouncing, shaking, twerking the rest of the night away with nothing but smiles across my body. I was Ecstatic indeed.

The music was still going but I eventually had to remove myself downstairs to grab water and sit down. Unsurprisingly, my partner was there, seemingly waiting for me, and we sat in the grass, hand in hand, sharing our experience and lessons with each other.

We later joined friends from the dance at Taboon, eating scrumptious Sabih on my first visit to what would become a go-to during my time here. After we finished, I drove her to her bungalow village and we walked to the beach to star gaze. We found a spot quickly, laying down in the sand to hold each other and doze off. A simultaneously weird and friendly stranger walked to the water and stood close by us and we realized our time was up.

Reader, don’t be misled; this wasn’t a story of kiss-and-tell. Far from it, actually, as I never got to place my lips on hers during our time together. Yet my experience with her was as fulfilling as if had we had kissed, and perhaps even more so.

When I arrived, I didn’t know what I wanted exactly from my stay on Koh Phangan. In the end, I got exactly what I needed, fulfilling my intentions of presence and self-love, and learning myriad lessons, particularly to Surrender.

I continued on a semi-frenetic pace of participating in all kinds of events and modalities to do the Work on my Self. And so I never made it to that vipassana retreat. I was exhausted from but also satisfied by my first two weeks, learning as much or more than I might have in silent, meditative isolation. I already received what I wanted and more, and now I had a beautiful group of friends -- my Koh Phamily -- to share the coming New Year’s celebration with.

I’m forever grateful for having loved Koh Phangan, and particularly the many people I met here. I’d like to share with you now all that I loved about this magical place.

I spent five inexplicably beautiful weeks on the island and I expect I’ll be spending more time there in the near future. I wish I could share all of these beautiful moments with you but I’ll inevitably fall short. Here is my attempt through specific places and things I recommend you do. I’ll also be writing a more esoteric blog on my thoughts on and from here. But now, let’s get to some specifics.

Getting to Koh Phangan:

I arrived in Bangkok and stayed for three days to get supplies and ride out my pretty significant jet-lag. So before you arrive, pick up things you might not be able to find on an island.

The provisions here are actually quite decent. The main town, Thong Sala, has plenty of markets for tourist swag and 7-11s and Family Marts abound — increasingly and unfortunately — where you can get most basic sundry items. This leads me to say…

Get here now! Don’t wait until it’s inevitably over-developed. The secret is out.

I arrived by taking the 7 pm overnight train to Surat Thani and hopping on the ferry from the station. I booked the Songserm ferry package from the main train station in Bangkok, which cost around 1200 Baht for train & ferry. That’s not only super reasonable but the experience is really easy and comfortable. Even at 6’0,” I was comfortable and fell asleep easily; the rocking train really put me in a trance.

It was my second time taking a sleeper train in Thailand and probably not my last. The company picks you up from outside the train and the transfer process, albeit a bit slow, is seamless and will get you to the island by early afternoon. I’d possibly look at Lomprayah for ferry service as they usually are a bit quicker.

Otherwise, you can fly from BKK to either Surat Thani or Koh Samui and take ferries from either. Easy. Now you’re here so…

Rent a motorbike:

It’s the easiest way to get around the island. Don’t bother with a car unless you need one. A few items of note when doing so.

I rented from a shop in Thong Sala to make it easy to return and then hop straight on the ferry. Shops are everywhere, though. I paid 150 baht/day but you might be able to haggle for better (it’s not my strong suit).

Be sure to take extensive, detailed pictures of your bike before you leave. I ended up paying about $30 for scratches, which might or might not have been my fault. I got pretty angry given my sadness and raw nerves around leaving, but I did end up haggling down to that price and avoided them calling the cops, so I had that going for me.

Gas is super cheap but only refill at actual stations if you can manage it. I started by filling up every day or so with two 40 baht bottles at places you’ll see all along the roadside. I soon learned that it’s quicker and much cheaper to refill at a station. You shouldn’t have to go more than once every 4-5 days.

Be careful on the roads. Aside from my advice on my Vietnam blog, pay attention to the road surface. You’re on an island and sand is everywhere. There are also tons of hills and curves. People drive way too recklessly and I saw poor souls with white gauze bandages EVERY DAY. Don’t be one of those people. It’ll make me sad.

Should you need a hospital, I was told the First Western Hospital is the one to visit; the others provide questionable care at best.

Ok, now let’s get to the good, nay GREAT stuff…

Activities/Places/Things to do:

My experience on the island was fairly focused on the town of Sri Thanu and the Northwest side of the island. This is where the “conscious community” is primarily located and where I felt most at home.

Speaking of, before you arrive, join the KP Conscious Community and related Event groups on Facebook. You’ll get loads of info on where to go and what to do while there and you’ll probably make some friends on or from it.

As the first rule of the events page states, the events are sans alcohol. There are plenty of places to party on the island such as the famed Full and Half Moon parties. Those take place on the other half of the island and I never made it to those or the other ones you’ll see promoted all over Thong Sala and Baan Tai. I almost did Full Moon but got a bit irie at Amsterdam Bar and was too tired to make the effort. I just wasn't there for that kind of party.

You can have a great time in Sri Thanu (see above), typically without alcohol, although it’s not a rule by any means. Full-mooners usually stay to their part of the island, which is nice. Don’t worry you can have your cake and eat it too.

Here are my suggestions for activities:

Maybe 45 degrees of 360 bar's full sweep views

Maybe 45 degrees of 360 bar's full sweep views

Siam Cookie's delectable pad that and view

Siam Cookie's delectable pad that and view

Alright, all this talk of swimming and pad thais is getting me hungry, so let’s talk about my favorite part, eating on the island.

Where to Eat:

I’m going to try to group my recommendations by category to make it easier as there are so many favorites (I use this word a lot but bear with me, it’s always true) that it’s hard to rank them properly. I’ll do my best to emphasize where you should head first by mentioning them at the top of the category.

Let’s grub!

Two faves: the Karma Burrito and my little coquito, Jacqueline

Two faves: the Karma Burrito and my little coquito, Jacqueline

Finally, there was likely not a day that I went without at least one coconut, if not two. Thai coconuts make me oh so happy, particularly when your friend is on a coconut water fast and gives you all the meat to take yourself. Do yourself a favor and order many of these. They’re more expensive in restaurants (60 baht or so) but you call also get them at certain Fruit Stands; definitely be sure to take full advantage of these. My personal fave is Jackfruit (thanks, Aude!), but I had plenty of watermelon, mango, dragonfruit, papaya and on.

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I could go on about KP — and I will in a later post about some of the lessons I learned — but this will suffice for now. Enjoy the crystal island, hopefully as close to as much as I did.